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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644938">look with your heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavitanuova/pseuds/lavitanuova'>lavitanuova</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>phantom shadows on the floor [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Les Misérables - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>25th anniversary cast, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dreams, Family, Gen, Ghosts, Reincarnation, Tooth-Rotting Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:00:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavitanuova/pseuds/lavitanuova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the lord, in his kindness<br/>he gives me what you always wanted<br/>he gives me more time</p><p>Fantine dreams of an overgrown garden and a girl with golden hair.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fantine &amp; Cosette Fauchelevent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>phantom shadows on the floor [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>look with your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>SO BAD IM SORRY<br/>I havent read the brick in a year so i might have screwed up some names and locations?? i can't write dialogue</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fantine is feeling watched, but again, she always feels watched. She's the oldest person at Madeleine Technological School and she towers above every other girl. She's heard her fair share of whispers behind her back from students and teachers alike. <em>The orphan</em>, they hiss. <em>The dropout. Did you hear about her boyfriend?</em></p><p>But this is different. She's alone in her social worker's spare room at 2AM, and still the sensation of eyes on her back lingers.</p><p>After her boyfriend dropped her, she'd had nowhere to go, homeless and making ends meet with escort work for two years- until she got arrested and taken in by the Fauchelevents. Now, her home's no longer cold stone benches or cots in overcrowded shelters, it's a stately historical building with proper heating and actually dependable electricity. Life at #55 Rue Plumet is new and strange to her, and she can't help but think that the house seems far too empty. But that's crazy, right? As far as she knows, there are only three people living in this house. Mssr. Jean Fauchelevent, her social worker, his husband Pierre, a gardener, and of course Fantine herself. So why does she feel like there should be a fourth person here? </p><p>It's raining tonight, and the flashes of lightning illuminate the shilouettes of bare trees against the vintage floral wallpaper. She recalls Jean's trepidation at giving her the key to the room, the way he tiptoes around it- and a voice in the back of her head tells her she's intruding here at the Rue Plumet. As if she's a substitute, a fake, in someone else's place. She's developed a strong bond with the Fauchelevents over the past few months, one that could almost be described as a father-daughter relationship, but not quite. Here again is the feeling of something missing, like the three of them are a planet without a sun to spin around. A gap in space-time.</p><p>Fantine drifts off into an uneasy sleep.</p><p>She dreams that she's in an overgrown garden, plants crawling up the moldy columns and rusty iron gate. It's peaceful here. Secluded from the world. A place to leave behind her troubles- Felix abandoning her over the phone, weathering the advances of the Home Ec teacher, sleeping on the streets wondering how she's going to get food tomorrow. Wandering amongst the ivy, she realises the garden seems familiar. It has the same layout as the Fauchelevent's perfectly-pruned garden, but the rows of homegrown vegetables have been replaced by plants that look more like they should belong in a fairy tale forest, rose-bushes and violets tugging at the hem of her nightgown. </p><p>Someone taps her on the shoulder, and Fantine just about jumps out of her skin. Turning, she comes to face to face with an oddly familiar girl. She can't be much younger than Fantine herself, but she carries herself with poise and elegance, almost like a Disney Princess. She has stunning blue eyes and light blonde hair lying loose over her shoulders, and she's dressed in a beautiful dress with puffy sleeves and floral patterns. Before Fantine can ask her who she is, the girl crushes her in a too-tight hug. </p><p>"Mama," the girl whispers.</p><p>As confused as Fantine is, she hugs the girl back. She's never seen this girl in her life, she looks nothing like Fantine-she has no trace of her dark hair or Asian features- and she has never had a child. Yet, Fantine feels like she's known her forever. She feels a spot of wetness on her shoulder, and realises that the girl is crying. Almost instinctively, she rushes to comfort her. "It's alright, sweetheart. I'm here. Everything's okay."</p><p>The girl sniffles and her tears stop falling. "I love you, Mama," she whispers, with the weight of something kept unsaid for a long time. Fantine's heart breaks, but she doesn't know why. </p><p>"Who are you?"</p><p>A pause.</p><p>"Cosette."</p><p>And everything comes rushing back. The streets of 19th century France, twisting and snaking between buildings. A her-that-isn't-her, who looks different but moves and laughs like she does. Falling in love. And then, as expected, abandonment- but in her memories he had left her with a child, a child she named Euphrasie, with hair like gold and teeth like pearls. A child that she loved. </p><p>In her memories, she never gets to see the child grow up.</p><p>But here Cosette is in front of her, a beautiful young lady, elegant and poised, reliable and loyal. And she's hugging Cosette back and telling her <em>I'm so proud of you, sweetheart</em>, and<em> I missed you</em>, and <em>My baby</em> and they're crying again because Fantine never thought she would see her daughter again but God has given her this at last, a last reunion.</p><p>The moment's broken, however, by the return of the memories from her current life. Fantine pulls back, clutching her temple, as memories of muggy, crowded Metro stations clash with memories of horse-drawn carriages and women in bonnets. This is a dream, nothing more. When Fantine awakes, she'll be returned to the real world. She'll again have to worry about debts and schoolwork and her impending homelessness. Cosette, her only daughter, will be gone with the dawn. Her heart aches at the thought. Her daughter, her life. </p><p>She remembers having to abandon her little girl at the door of an inn, two hundred years ago. She remembers the grief and pain of wondering if she'll ever see her Cosette again. Will she have to go through this again? To wake up, and let the memory of Cosette fall from her mind like any other dream?</p><p>Her daughter mirrors her discomfort. "I never knew you well enough to miss you," she confesses, not looking Fantine in the eye. "I don't want to lose you again."</p><p>"Oh, darling." She reaches out for Cosette's hand, and doesn't let go. "I know I haven't been very present-"</p><p>"It's not your fault."</p><p>"-but I promise I'll always be with you, okay? No matter what. I won't let you get hurt again."</p><p>Cosette squeezes Fantine's hand. "Tell me about yourself."</p><p>It takes her by surprise. "I- oh- my life isn't that interesting, darling-"</p><p>"I've been waiting my whole life to know you, Mama."</p><p>So Fantine does. She tells her about Dahlia and Zephine and Favourite. She tells her about black glass beads and rosaries and the kindly face of Monsieur Madeleine. And even though it hurts, she tells her about the summer she spent by his side. She tells her about the teeth and the hair that she sold for her daughter. She tells her about the false friendliness of the innkeeper man and his wife. In return, Cosette tells Fantine about her greatest failure as a mother- a childhood spent in fear of a raised hand. But she also tells her mother about her life in the convent. She tells her about Papa and his garden. She tells her about boys and glances stolen from across a park. She tells her about the life Fantine always wanted her daughter to have.</p><p>It's not much- it's not a replacement for watching her grow up, but it's enough. She savours the moment, knowing that it's everything she's ever wanted.</p><p>So when the dream fractures into the sharp light of dawn, when Fantine has to leave her daughter behind for the second time, she's prepared. It's not a farewell-just a pause. She wishes Cosette a life of nothing but joy, and wakes smiling with the ghost of her daughter's touch lingering on her arms. </p><p>In the distance, she can hear the faint chirrups of a lark's song.</p>
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